Athletes are good at a lot of things. Running, jumping, swimming, dribbling, passing, dunking... but the one area where they don't particularly excel? Staying out of trouble. So theBVX made a list we know can help.
Seriously, there's not a week passes that someone in the MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, or some other pro sports organization isn't getting into trouble for something. Most recently, NFL quarterback JaMarcus Russell got arrested for possession of codeine syrup after police conducted a small raid on his home in Mobile, Alabama on Monday night. It's just the latest thing that could jeopardize Russell's once-promising career.
With all of that in mind, theBVX wants to help athletes stay out of trouble. So we put together a list of 10 rules that every athlete needs to know. Follow all of them and we guarantee that your mug shot won't be the first thing people see on your Wikipedia page. Are you game?
Rule No. 1: Stay. Out. Of. The. Strip. Club.
The Offenders: Adam "Pacman" Jones, Vince Young, Stephen Jackson
The Reason: Did you know that, as a professional athlete, you're 78 percent less likely to get arrested on any given night if you're not at a strip club? Okay, so we made that up. But we're pretty sure one like it does exist. Think about everything that could go wrong at a strip club; fights, assaults, shoot-outs. And that's for people who aren't rich. Stay out of the strip club and you'll guaranteed to dodge these mishaps. Plain. And. Simple.
Rule No. 2: Don't get married... until after you retire!
The Offenders: Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O'Neal
The Reason: As a pro athlete, you're gonna spend days, weeks, months, even years at a time on the road. So while you might love your wife and think about her every time "Best I Ever Had"comes on, there'll be a point when that love is tested. And if you're not gonna see your wife much anyway, what's the point of getting married? Skip the future alimony hearings, keep your money and wait until you're done playing (both on and off the court) to settle down.
Rule No. 3: Unless you're having sex -- don't stay strapped.
The Offenders: Gilbert Arenas, Plaxico Burress, Shaun Rodgers
The Reason: What is so hard about this, fellas? Guns are only going to get you into trouble. We understand that you are a target now that you're making millions of dollars -- but you're also gonna be a target in prison if you get caught packing. Not guns on the inside homie. Stick to staying strapped in the bedroom, not the club. Word to Weezy.
Rule No. 4: Don't do drugs. Ever. Not once. Not once in awhile. Not once in a blue moon. Not ever.
The Offenders: Michael Phelps, JaMarcus Russell, Barry Bonds
The Reason: Weed, coke, ecstasy, meth, codeine, anabolic steroids -- this goes for any kind of drugs. Hell, if you have trouble sleeping at night and want to pop two Tylenol PMs, you'd better think twice. (And then say no.)
Rule No. 5: Cut off at least half of your "friends" once your turn pro.
The Offenders: Michael Vick, Jamal Lewis, Allen Iverson
The Reason: This may just be the hardest rule on this list to follow. But here's the deal: Once you get rich, half your friends will be working double-time just to try and bring you down. Dog-fighting, drug-dealing, wild partying -- your friends want a piece of everything and if you don't give it to them? Well, they might hate you. But they also might hate you if you disappear from a club one night and they get shot three minutes later. Just sayin'.
Rule No. 6: Hire a driver. Not Eddy Curry's driver. But a driver nonetheless.
The Offenders: Charles Barkley, Ronnie Brown, Carmelo Anthony, Al Jefferson, Zach Randolph, Vincent Jackson, Donte Stallworth, Joey Porter, Dwight "Doc" Gooden, Chris Chelios
The Reason: Don't drink and drive. Or smoke and drive. Or drink and smoke and drive. In fact, even if you don't drink or smoke or do any number of things that could get you into trouble on the road, don't drive anyway. The media will filet you for speeding nowadays. So stay in your own lane: the backseat.
Rule No. 7: Watch what you say on Twitter.
The Offenders: Brandon Jennings, Charlie Villanueva, Gilbert Arenas
The Reason: Ask us if we love the new Drake album. Tell us about how bored you are at the airport. Thank all the fans for coming out to the big game. But don't say anything that you wouldn't say to a reporter. And for pete's sake -- don't do it at halftime!
Rule No. 8: Don't take naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone.
The Offenders: Greg Oden, Ashley Cole, George Hill
The Reason: Dude, are you for real? It's bad enough that we've got to screen every email we get at work for NSFW material. Now we've gotta worry about our lunch hour turning into a sausage party because you can't keep your clothes on? Cover up. PLEASE!
Rule No. 9: Don't have sex with intoxicated college girls in bathroom stalls at bars.
The Offenders: Ben Roethlisberger
The Reason: If we need to explain this one, you're probably in more trouble than we thought... Next!
Rule No. 10: Before you do anything, think -- "What would Mike Tyson do?" Then do the opposite.
The Offender: Mike Tyson
The Reason: Rape, DUI, assault, biting part of Evander Holyfield's ear off. It's safe to say Mike Tyson isn't a good role model for kids. But he is a good role model for you, pro athlete. If all else fails, think about what he would do. And then decide that you probably shouldn't do the same. It might not get you a role in "The Hangover" but it'll prevent you from having one for the rest of your life thanks to one stupid move.
Seriously, there's not a week passes that someone in the MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, or some other pro sports organization isn't getting into trouble for something. Most recently, NFL quarterback JaMarcus Russell got arrested for possession of codeine syrup after police conducted a small raid on his home in Mobile, Alabama on Monday night. It's just the latest thing that could jeopardize Russell's once-promising career.
With all of that in mind, theBVX wants to help athletes stay out of trouble. So we put together a list of 10 rules that every athlete needs to know. Follow all of them and we guarantee that your mug shot won't be the first thing people see on your Wikipedia page. Are you game?
Rule No. 1: Stay. Out. Of. The. Strip. Club.
The Offenders: Adam "Pacman" Jones, Vince Young, Stephen Jackson
The Reason: Did you know that, as a professional athlete, you're 78 percent less likely to get arrested on any given night if you're not at a strip club? Okay, so we made that up. But we're pretty sure one like it does exist. Think about everything that could go wrong at a strip club; fights, assaults, shoot-outs. And that's for people who aren't rich. Stay out of the strip club and you'll guaranteed to dodge these mishaps. Plain. And. Simple.
Rule No. 2: Don't get married... until after you retire! The Offenders: Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O'Neal
The Reason: As a pro athlete, you're gonna spend days, weeks, months, even years at a time on the road. So while you might love your wife and think about her every time "Best I Ever Had"comes on, there'll be a point when that love is tested. And if you're not gonna see your wife much anyway, what's the point of getting married? Skip the future alimony hearings, keep your money and wait until you're done playing (both on and off the court) to settle down.
Rule No. 3: Unless you're having sex -- don't stay strapped.
The Offenders: Gilbert Arenas, Plaxico Burress, Shaun Rodgers
The Reason: What is so hard about this, fellas? Guns are only going to get you into trouble. We understand that you are a target now that you're making millions of dollars -- but you're also gonna be a target in prison if you get caught packing. Not guns on the inside homie. Stick to staying strapped in the bedroom, not the club. Word to Weezy.
Rule No. 4: Don't do drugs. Ever. Not once. Not once in awhile. Not once in a blue moon. Not ever.The Offenders: Michael Phelps, JaMarcus Russell, Barry Bonds
The Reason: Weed, coke, ecstasy, meth, codeine, anabolic steroids -- this goes for any kind of drugs. Hell, if you have trouble sleeping at night and want to pop two Tylenol PMs, you'd better think twice. (And then say no.)
Rule No. 5: Cut off at least half of your "friends" once your turn pro.The Offenders: Michael Vick, Jamal Lewis, Allen Iverson
The Reason: This may just be the hardest rule on this list to follow. But here's the deal: Once you get rich, half your friends will be working double-time just to try and bring you down. Dog-fighting, drug-dealing, wild partying -- your friends want a piece of everything and if you don't give it to them? Well, they might hate you. But they also might hate you if you disappear from a club one night and they get shot three minutes later. Just sayin'.
Rule No. 6: Hire a driver. Not Eddy Curry's driver. But a driver nonetheless.The Offenders: Charles Barkley, Ronnie Brown, Carmelo Anthony, Al Jefferson, Zach Randolph, Vincent Jackson, Donte Stallworth, Joey Porter, Dwight "Doc" Gooden, Chris Chelios
The Reason: Don't drink and drive. Or smoke and drive. Or drink and smoke and drive. In fact, even if you don't drink or smoke or do any number of things that could get you into trouble on the road, don't drive anyway. The media will filet you for speeding nowadays. So stay in your own lane: the backseat.
Rule No. 7: Watch what you say on Twitter.
The Offenders: Brandon Jennings, Charlie Villanueva, Gilbert Arenas
The Reason: Ask us if we love the new Drake album. Tell us about how bored you are at the airport. Thank all the fans for coming out to the big game. But don't say anything that you wouldn't say to a reporter. And for pete's sake -- don't do it at halftime!
Rule No. 8: Don't take naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone.The Offenders: Greg Oden, Ashley Cole, George Hill
The Reason: Dude, are you for real? It's bad enough that we've got to screen every email we get at work for NSFW material. Now we've gotta worry about our lunch hour turning into a sausage party because you can't keep your clothes on? Cover up. PLEASE!
Rule No. 9: Don't have sex with intoxicated college girls in bathroom stalls at bars.
The Offenders: Ben Roethlisberger
The Reason: If we need to explain this one, you're probably in more trouble than we thought... Next!
Rule No. 10: Before you do anything, think -- "What would Mike Tyson do?" Then do the opposite.The Offender: Mike Tyson
The Reason: Rape, DUI, assault, biting part of Evander Holyfield's ear off. It's safe to say Mike Tyson isn't a good role model for kids. But he is a good role model for you, pro athlete. If all else fails, think about what he would do. And then decide that you probably shouldn't do the same. It might not get you a role in "The Hangover" but it'll prevent you from having one for the rest of your life thanks to one stupid move.
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